“You want to know what happiness is? It’s waking up in the middle of the night, shifting under the blankets & feeling the heart of the person next to you. You turn around & see them in their most peaceful, innocent, & vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lies on anyone’s shoulders but their own. You smile & kiss their face in the gentlest manner so as not to wake them. You turn back & an involuntary grin forms on your face. You feel an arm wrap around your waist and you know it doesn’t get any better than this.”—
““I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I’ve ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours.”
for the husband xx”—I will always be yours too babe, this made me smile. I love you so much <3
I’m so tired of hearing “You got kicked out of YOUR own band?!” or “Why did you quit Of Mice and just give up on us?!” For one, it was never MY band. Yes, I started it, and yes I was the “frontman” but there is no “I” in “TEAM.” It was everyones band. Everyone played a part. Second, think of the me and Of Mice splitting up as two parents saying, “let’s get a divorce so that our kids can have double the Christmas time” Ha! But, really. It was something that had to be done due to issues with my health that were/are taking so long. (I’ll be posting another blog about that, shortly. Because everything has finally fallen into place with it, and I have set in stone dates!)
I haven’t been able to tour since January and wouldn’t even be able to until right as Warped would be ending. Wouldn’t you still all want to see the band on the road? I do. Every member worked their butts off to get to where we are, and they weren’t gonna slow down. I’m taking this time off to get my health up to par, spend time with family, write music I’ve always wanted, and get things accomplished I’ve wanted to for a very long time.
So, go see Of Mice on the road, and go out and support them. But as for me, I’m alive, happy, happily married, (will be) healthy, have amazing friends & fans, and a roof over my head. So I couldn’t ask for more. Thanks to everyone who continually supports me, it seriously means so much. I’ll be back soon. Promise. Thanks everyone!
“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.”—
“I see all this potential & I see squandering. An entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars & clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires & movie gods & rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.”—
“You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you’re satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you’ve got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes & rug. Then you’re trapped in your lovely nest & the things you used to own, now they own you.”—
Besides being a hard worker, a Veteran for the greatest country in the world, a great influential dad, an all American softball player, running for mayor in 2011, and owning/running the busiest/best electrical company in Colorado (sweet brag), I am proud of my father, and glad to call him my dad for one other reason.
Second video down, him & and my uncle, identical twins, get that hair, and keep it. Haha I love you Dad, if you’re ever tired of being the raddest guy in town, remember you can move to LA and do acting because you have successfully swooned the sexiest woman in the world, sweet right? Even though she is your daughter in law. *Face palm*
Austin Carlile was the original lead singer of Attack Attack!, which after his departure went on to plant a flag at the intersection of screamo and synthesizers, turf that few bands covet. By those standards Mr. Carlile is a purist: a manic, maniac howler who likes his post-hardcore uncut. Of Mice & Men, the band he formed after the split, is pro forma, but brilliantly so: its self-titled album (on Rise) is sure to be one of the year’s most bruising rock debuts. Mr. Carlile shouts, the guitarist Shayley Bourget interjects with cleanly sung vocals that provide structure and melody, and the band flirts with swampy Southern metal, a hint of slither beneath the rigor.” -Printed April 4th 2010
Big words, descriptions I’ve never heard before, but stoked we got this paragraph written about us in their paper. I still don’t like the Yankees though.
Put it all aside. I’ll make something new soon. I promise. So no worries there. You’ll all meet me on tour one day, but… In the mean time I just wanna get my health together, listen to Whitechapel and Drake, eat PF Changs, share amazing moments with my Wife, play some baseball, buy a new miniature dachshund, move to my own house, do a collab song with John Mayer, enjoy my new family, and simply enjoy living life.
So stop talking crap about so and so, stop saying Im joining some other band, stop trying to hurt my feelings, stop trying to hurt anyone else’s feelings. Stop trying to make yourself sound like you know what youre talking about. This has NOTHING to do with anyone outside of the working realm of the original Of Mice. And no one outside of that realm’s negative opinion or words mean anything to me, or even them for that matter.
Im sorry I won’t be playing Warped with Of Mice, but in all honesty if I were to rush the surgery even like over a week ago, I wouldnt even be healthy enough to play the first two weeks of it. I would have needed a replacement for over 2 and a half tours. Thats crappy. I would have hopped on Warped and been out of shape and freshly cut open down the chest. I really hope you all can just relax. This is for the best, for all parties I believe.
Life is short. Life is to learn. Life is to love. I think this is the perfect opportunity for me to really get all I want out of it. After all, it is a ride, “dont spend the whole time waiting in line.”
So much love to all my fans and supporters, and friends that I left behind to move out to California to start this. Everything happens for a reason. “One door closes, another opens.”
So much love to all my haters too, make sure you spell my name right when you type it, I know who I am, I dont need you telling me otherwise. I have my past, Im sorry for most of it. Ive been a ghost for the past 4 years of my life. Want to get to know me? Me now? Walk up to me on the street, lets have a conversation. Im over all of this. Hello life, I’m ready to start living you to the fullest.
Don’t jump to conclusions. The band said to management that they wanted me out because they felt I was lying about my heart condition, and how it limits my physical activity. They, and management alike, didn’t want someone in the band who is going to simply pick and choose tours. This is 100% understandable.
Since I started the band back in Ohio, and was the only one that signed the Rise Records contract, to now, almost a year later, all the guys in the band have shown and told me how appreciative they are that they were in this with me. They all expressed how thankful they were for the shot at this kind of success, and were stoked for our futures together. Most of them were saying this during the last two tours. I grew to love all of them and individually we each shared some rad moments talking about life and how excited we were to finally be doing what we loved and making something out of it.
It came time to go on tour with Alesana, A Skylit Drive, and We Came As Romans, and I couldnt go out with them because I wanted and needed to get my heart fixed. It had been constantly hurting me, and also was like a cloud hanging over my head every day. I couldnt go a long period of time without worrying about it. It was simply driving me insane that I was walking around with a ticking time bomb inside of my chest, especially because 2 years previous, I had been told by my cardiologist in Ohio that I would need the surgery within 2 to 3 years.
During the first couple of weeks of tour while I was getting insurance issues worked out, going from MD’s, to cardiologists, to cardiologists, the whole band was very supportive. Example: “Dude how are you feeling today?” “Hey man hope all is well! Have some kids here saying to get better!” to “Miss you fool!” and “Any news on Doctor stuff yet?” All of them cared, all of them seemed to be okay with it until I stepped on some ones toes…
I called Jaxin one night upset about everything going on, and to talk to him about stuff. I could always go to things with him. He and I always had the most heart felt conversations, and had a good time together period. We moved across the country together to start this band because it was both of our dreams. I loved and trusted him with everything. He was, obviously, my best friend. I told him about the struggle with insurance, and how rough things were dealing with health crap again, and how the road/tour was where I needed to be. I also told him that I was going to ask my girlfriend at the time to marry me. He said that that was totally cool, but not to tell anyone just yet because he didnt want to put a damper on him and his girlfriend’s engagement/marriage that was coming up shortly after the Alesana tour. He seemed happy for me, and it was a great feeling. I agreed to not say anything even though I was unclear of the reasoning but I thought to myself “this isnt a competition? I wonder why he doesnt want me telling anyone about us before he and the bird? hmmm.”
On February 13th I asked my girlfriend to marry me. Got down on one knee at a secluded beach cliff in Northern California and just did it. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I couldnt contain myself and posted a tweet saying that I was now engaged! I was super stoked, and did not want to hide this moment at all. I had no idea I was going to be this overfilled with love and joy. I would have shouted it from the rooftops if given the chance. Minutes after this, I received a couple of outrageous texts from Jaxin. Throughout the entire night I tried to talk to him, and tell him that I was sorry that I went back on what I said, but that I couldnt help it. I was too happy. But all I got in return were responses from him like “youre an ignorant hick.” “you are dead to me” “no one likes you, everyone hates you and you dont matter to anyone.” I was appalled he had said these things and told him I’d back off and give him space, told him I loved him and would be here to talk when he wanted. He responded saying once again that I was dead to him and that he never wanted to talk to me again after what I did to him. What I did? I got engaged. Got stoked on it. And told the world. Did I go back on my word to him? YES. So could you say that I lied to him? YES. I have no problem admitting that, and for that, I maturely apologize. But once I asked her, there was no turning back for me.
From that night on, none of the members would talk to me, and neither would Jaxin. The only person I have had the slightest contact with is Tino over the past month or so. I guess by making myself happy, I had ruined Jaxin and I’s relationship and he felt it right to ruin me by talking bad on me behind my back. If any of you have been to his twitter recently you can see him openly comparing me to Charles Manson, and even saying I have no talent and cannot scream. Calling me a fake, and arrogant. He is making it out to seem like I club baby seals or stole an ex girlfriend from him. All I did was get married. Before I announced it he and I were on perfect terms, and the band was doing just fine. I don’t think it calls for all of this.
Also, it’s upsetting me that my “loyal fans” are turning their backs on me literally over night just because of a simple Formsping question Jaxin’s GIRLFRIEND made out of the anger she shares with him. Racist? Sexist?-my WIFE is over half Native American and BLACK. What if my wife wanted to talk bad on Jaxin because of all the hurtful things he said to me? What if I wrote some huge long story saying a bunch of rude things that have nothing to do with the music industry and most not even being true? You would all be pointing the finger at him just as you are to me. If you notice none of the rest of the band, yet, is saying malicious things. They have no reason to.
I started this band from nothing, and started it to have fun and do what I love. Im not going to let one persons spitefulness ruin that for me. Lies about my heart? I have proof on this page. And proof from years of my family dealing and knowing about it. I will have doctors notes, and medical stuff posted soon also. Surgery is in the near future for me, as well. So if you think Im getting kicked out of the band because of this/that, blah blah, he said, she said, sexist, racist…etc. No. I’m going no where, and I dont care if I have to find one, or three, or four new members, Of Mice & Men will continue on. Do I want new members? No. But I will do whatever I have to to keep the band iiii started alive. The band iii put my heart and soul into since I left Attack Attack. It was my hope, life, and dream. Even if I have to take them to court, then I will. I have made this my life, and I will not give it up without a fight.
"Oh you stayed home and faked a heart problem just to be with your hot wife…" …… Yeah right, that makes sense. I skipped out on the biggest tour OM&M has ever been on just so I could sit home alone 4 days a week while she works and be bored. Good call. Give me a break. Why would I lie to miss out on doing what I love most. Thats is ridiculous and so is this entire situation of name calling, personal hatred, and trying to ruin my name. Keep talking.
Didn’t have my appointment scheduled with my Cardiac SURGEON until next week but they called and have an opening today at 3:00 pm! No more Doctors, no more Cardiologists, I’m finally down to the real deal! I’ll get tons of info today, about dates, what/where/when/how, and all that! Wish me luck! :D